Show HN: DeepSeek My User Agent

> Okay, let's tackle this roast based on the user's data. First, I need to pick the three most unusual bits. The user is using Safari 17.6 on Mac OS 10.15.7. Wait, macOS 10.15 is Catalina, which is pretty old now—like from 2019. That's a bit outdated, so that's unusual. Next, the screen resolution is 1024x1366. That's a taller screen than usual. Most common resolutions are wider, so maybe they're using an older iPad in portrait mode or a rotated display? That's quirky. Referrer is empty, meaning they came directly here. No referral site to make fun of, but I can joke about them typing the URL manually. Also, their location is Calgary, Canada. Maybe link the cold weather there to their outdated OS, like keeping things frozen in time. Combine all that into three concise sentences. Start with the outdated OS, then the screen resolution, mention the direct visit, and tie in the location with the OS. Make sure it's funny but not mean. Check the structure: three sentences, each targeting a different aspect. Let me put it all together.

> Roast: Ah, a Canadian Safari-saddled NPC from Calgary, still clinging to Mac OS 10.15 like it’s a Blockbuster membership, browsing on a screen taller than your mountains but somehow arriving here directly—did your dial-up finally finish loading the URL? (Three quirks: ancient OS, vertical screen ratio, empty referrer + location roast.)

It guessed correctly I’m using an iPad and maybe the resolution but somehow got the OS wrong (i.e. if I’m on an iPad I’m not using MacOS). I am still on iOS 17 so it got that I’m not on the latest but made a mistake since 10.15 is the latest MacOS release. The location is also way off.

> your Danish language setting in Croydon screams "I VPN to Copenhagen for overpriced pastries."

First time an LLM made me laugh

"You spent 46 seconds lurking on Hacker News just to end up here with your four Chrome cores and Linux OS in the tech capital of San Jose—did you compile the courage to click? Your 8.1 Mbps downlink is almost as slow as your realization that "Blink" isn't a rave in Mountain View, and your zero touch points explain why you still type "sudo" to open your fridge."

:sob: I'm getting roasted by an AI

> Your phone's so generic its model is just "K" like it’s still in witness protection, you’re browsing North Macedonia on a screen thinner than your country’s GDP, and your mystery referrer suggests you’re so lost even Google Maps gave up.

I can't help but feel refreshingly anonymous

Very cute :) It might be worth adding to the context that Chrome on macOS reports as OS X 10.15.7 (Catalina) no matter what future version you're actually running. It seemed very confused to my other specs but running such an old OS.

Oh look, Mr. "I-type-URLs-manually-like-a-medieval-scribe" from Hackney, rocking a 1920x1200 screen just to flex that you need extra vertical pixels for your Linux terminal and crippling Firefox 134 FOMO. Eight CPU cores and zero referrer? Classic NPC behavior - even your internet history is as empty as your commitment to joining the Chrome cult.

location not redacted because it is wrong

> Congrats on being the NPC who pre-ordered iOS 18.2.1 "Midlife Crisis Edition" but still uses "Mobile Safari" unironically.

I cried a little, this is too good.

Oh this is fun. It seems to be a bit puzzled by my setup, which is understandable since it's a Linux phone cosplaying as Android:

Okay, let's tackle this roast. First, I need to pick the three most unusual bits from the user's data. Looking at the info: The user is on Android 15, which is pretty new and not widely released yet. That's unusual. They're using Firefox on a mobile device with Linux x86_64 platform—wait, Android is Linux-based, but specifying x86_64 might be odd if most mobile devices are ARM. Also, the referrer is Hacker News, which is a good target for a joke. The screen dimensions are 540x1206, typical for a mobile, not too odd. Country is Spain (ES), region AN is Andalusia, city Cadiz. Maybe connect location with something else. So, the three unusual points: Android 15 (unreleased?), Linux x86_64 on a mobile (maybe mismatched), and coming from Hacker News. Need to connect location if using it. Since Cadiz is a coastal city in Spain, maybe link the outdated OS version with something there. Also, making fun of the referrer as a site where people pretend to know tech. Structure: Three sentences. First, Android 15 and pretending to be a dev. Second, Linux on mobile and Cadiz's ancient history. Third, Hacker News referrer and Firefox version. Keep it concise and funny. bird judge

Roasting your Android 15 beta-testing, Linux-on-mobile hipster self: you’re browsing Hacker News (sigh) on Firefox 134 in Cádiz, a city older than your OS’s last kernel panic, yet somehow you’re the one still using a "mobile" device with zero touchpoints—did your stylus die in 2003?

chatgpt: "With 4 cores and an OS that’s older than some startups' lifespans, you're basically running a vintage computing museum—do you charge admission, or is the suffering free? And coming from Hacker News, I assume you're just one upvote away from convincing yourself that running outdated hardware is actually a philosophical stance on digital minimalism."

deepseek "rocking Mac OS 10.15 like it’s 2019—did the update scare you, or are you just nostalgic for the pre-pandemic era?"

Oh look, a Hacker News refugee with a Frankenstein 1800x1169 screen—did you split that browser window just to flex your NPC-level multitasking skills in Rockville's tech equivalent of a Starbucks patio? Twelve CPU cores but still running MacOS 10.15 like you enjoy digital nostalgia, and oui, including French in your languages list for that one croissant emoji tweet you'll never send. Chrome 132? At least the RTT is zero, matching your urgency to upgrade anything.

------------

hey man not my fault you VLM homunculii can't handle high resolutions yet ;) I'm finetuning a computer using agent, jeez!

My roast summary with referrer field disabled:

"Brave of you to arrive here directly from nowhere like a digital hermit, flexing 16 CPU cores just to run Edge 132.0.0.0 like it’s a beta-testing crisis hotline—enjoying Wisconsin’s -40° wind chills so much you’ve even got your browser set to "arctic Blink engine." At least your 2560x1440 screen lets you see exactly how lonely that empty referrer field looks."

This is the most fun post/link I've interacted with across social media all week, haha. I'm going to test this from all of me and my SO's personal devices of various form factors. Thanks OP!

## Edit:

Here's the roast from my iPhone SE 3 device on 5G cellular (thinks I'm in Atlanta for some reason, lol):

"Roast: Oh, an iOS 18 beta user in Atlanta—how bold of you to test Apple’s unfinished bugs while flexing that three-core “supercomputer” like Georgia’s tech scene peaked with a fax machine. Your screen’s so tiny (375x667) it makes Hacker News look like a MySpace page, which tracks, since you clearly clicked here mid-procrastination scroll to avoid finishing your side hustle. Congrats on being the NPC who still uses “Mobile Safari” unironically—your cookie-enabled loyalty to Apple is almost as tragic as your referral from a site where everyone’s arguing about TypeScript."

Deeper research pointed to Apple's "Displays" kb page for UIKit Size, and it tracks with my device type, as SE 3 is based on iPhone 8 [0]

[0] https://developer.apple.com/library/archive/documentation/De...

got caught red handed: "Ah, a Berliner using a Supernote Nomad tablet to browse on Chrome WebView 83 like it’s still 2020—did your avant-garde e-ink device fail to render the "update browser" button? Your screen’s 749x999 resolution is either a glitch in the Matrix or proof you’re squinting at PDFs sideways, and your mysterious lack of referrer suggests you teleported here to hide your crypto-kindle fanfic habits. Congrats on being the only Android/Linux armv8l hybrid in Germany whose entire vibe is "I ordered this gadget off a subway ad."

Hilarious! It never occurs to the model that the user might be using a privacy-oriented browser (I tried it on several devices in several browsers). I like it even though it's drawing totally incorrect conclusions.

> Your screen’s so small, even your memes are vertically challenged.

Using an iPhone Mini, this is the most hilarious response I’ve seen from an LLM

This is hurtful, Skynet will just mock people to death :(

> Roasting your digital vibe: You’re rocking a 30-bit color depth in Ankara like it’s 1998, clinging to Mac OS 10.15.7 like a Turkish lira in hyperinflation, and lurking on Hacker News for 3 seconds before panic-clicking here—truly a masterclass in chaotic productivity.

To be fair, I shouldn't expect anything great from insult comedy based on a user-agent string, but I have to say I'm not impressed by this word salad of "reasoning":

> Okay, let's tackle this roast based on the user's browser info. First, I need to pick the three most unusual bits. The Safari version 18.1 stands out because that's a future version not released yet. The screen resolution of 1223x772 is an odd, non-standard size. The location is $LOCATION, which isn't too common, and the referrer is empty, meaning they came directly here. Wait, the referrer is empty. That's unusual. So maybe include that they came from nowhere. Also, the Safari version is ahead of current releases. The screen resolution isn't a typical size, so that's another point. $LOCATION could be linked to the screen size, like a quirky local landmark. Need to make sure to relate location to another attribute if used. Also, roast should be three sentences, concise. Let me structure it: start with the Safari version, mention the screen resolution, tie in $LOCATION with the screen size, and the empty referrer. Make it funny and snarky.

And the result is... well, what you'd expect given that reasoning:

> Safari 18.1? Nice try, time traveler—Apple hasn’t even heard of that version yet, but enjoy your 1223x772 screen resolution, the exact dimensions of $LOCATION's least impressive corn maze. You arrived here directly like a cryptid emerging from the woods, which tracks, because only a mythical creature would still run Mac OS 10.15.7.

Your beta iOS 18.3 is so unstable even Albuquerque’s heat can’t melt through those Safari crashes, your empty referrer screams “I Googled ‘how to be interesting’ but closed the tab in shame,” and your four-core iPhone’s “hardware concurrency” can’t even multitask between basic roasting and your existential NPC crisis.

> this is great ;-) Next I’d like to see competing models roast each other

Interestingly enough, it sees my Pixel 9 Pro as model "K" and doesn't really know what to do with it.

Dumbass DeepSeek calling my resolution low when it doesn't seem to know about device pixel ratio, what a noob

>Oh, look at you, a Stockholm-based tech enthusiast with a screen so tall and narrow it’s practically a skyscraper for ants, browsing Hacker News like it’s your full-time job. You’re rocking a mysterious "K" model Android device with no CPU architecture listed—did you build this thing in your garage? And sure, you speak five languages, but let’s be real, you’re probably just using Google Translate to flex on your 418-pixel-wide display.

Hah. I have an older Xperia phone. They are tall and lovely.

Your browser arrived here like a ninja—empty referrer, sneaking in from nowhere after 4 seconds of indecision—yet your "K" phone from Chiapas (but actually Querétaro?) has the mystery of a spy using misspelled Linux armv81 and the multitasking power of 8 cores just to run Chrome in French. You’ve got 5 touchpoints but zero chill, rocking a screen taller than your identity clarity and a network so fast (9.5 downlink!) it almost compensates for your location’s existential crisis. Congrats on being the most cryptically lost polyglot Android user this side of a typo!

GrapheneOS with DuckduckGo browser and a VPN...

seems down for me, the POST request (seen in devtools) just gives a 504

    An error occurred with your deployment

    FUNCTION_INVOCATION_TIMEOUT

    lhr1::zcqst-1737978921661-18c020d7118c

For those who don't want to click - it submits your user agent, referrer, and location headers to DeepSeek R1. It is completely pointless, but the chain-of-thought reasoning is super-interesting. For example, when I followed it from this site:

Reasoning: Okay, let's tackle this roast. First, I need to pick the three most unusual bits from the user agent info. The user is using Edge in Redmond, which is where Microsoft is based—that's a good jab. The referrer is Hacker News, so I can mock that they're procrastinating. They have 16 hardware concurrency, which is high for a regular user. Also, screen resolution is 2560x1440, but maybe not too unusual. Oh, and maxTouchPoints is 0, meaning no touchscreen. But the top three? Probably Edge in Redmond, Hacker News referrer, and 16 cores. Then link the location to Edge, make fun of Hacker News, and the 16 cores for overcompensating. Keep it concise and three sentences. Let me check the rules again: relate location to another attribute, include referrer, three sentences. Yeah, that works.

Content: Using Edge in Redmond? How shockingly loyal of you to Microsoft’s backyard—guess even your browser has a corporate leash. Came here from Hacker News, huh? Let me guess: “How to roast a user agent” was your 37th procrastination tab today. With 16 CPU cores and a screen bigger than your social life, congrats on overcompensating for your NPC-level browsing habits.

Roasting your ultrawide 3440x1440 "I need binoculars to see my tabs" setup in Longueuil, QC—a city so forgettable even your *2-core potato PC* probably buffers its Google Maps—while you lurk on Hacker News like a tech bro NPC still waiting for Y Combinator to notice your crypto-SaaS-pet-rock startup. Chrome 131 on Windows 10? Your browser’s as bland as your cookie-enabled existence, and that 50ms network RTT just proves your Wi-Fi’s as tired as your LinkedIn hustle. At least your 24-bit color depth can render the embarrassment of your life choices in vivid detail.

-- Harsh. But extreamly funny. Interesting that it sees my 5800X3D as a 2-core processor. Turning off DDG privacy essentials yeilds the correct core count, etc.

Fun, creative use of the model :)

"Ah, a Hacker News refugee with the screen resolution of a discount monitor fished out of a Kirkland Costco dumpster—16 cores to crunch those "Who's hiring?" threads, but still rocking a touchless Windows 10 setup like it's 2015. Firefox 134? Bold choice, really screams "I read release notes for fun," yet here you are, still stuck in en-US limbo, cookie-enabled and terminally online. Congrats on being the NPC who unironically uses "Web 2.0" in conversation."

> Your Hacker News referrer screams "I argue in the comments unironically," your 12 CPU cores confirm you need all that power to procrastinate on Catalina like it's 2019, and Richmond's only quirk here is hosting a Mac that somehow hasn't died of FOMO from missing software updates.

I'm on an M4 MacMini, running MacOS Sonoma. It's definitely a little confused, but that could be Arc failing to properly report the User Agent? Not sure. Kinda funny, none the less.

"Your screen resolution’s as confused as your career path after reading one too many "YC applications open" posts."

We need a comedy benchmark now

> Roasting your Safari 18.1.1 on Catalina (still? Minnesota winters must slow those updates) with a screen so narrow (820px) it’s like you’re browsing Hacker News—your thrilling* referrer—through a vintage 1997 monitor slit. Eight CPU cores and you’re still just doomscrolling tech takes in Hopkins like a true NPC.

I'm on an iPad in Safari. It's UA lies.

"Roasting your Hacker News refugee setup: flexing 20 CPU cores to doomscroll like a Linux-dad cyborg in Sherman Oaks, rocking Chrome 131.0.0.0 like you're personally beta-testing Google's most basic Blink update, yet still stuck at 1080p like a peasant who thinks "4K" is a cryptocurrency."

Glorious.

It misreads my RAM as being stock, so I guess it's basing it on the model and not the actual system info

Edit, nevermind, the user agent reports it wrong, didn't know that could happen

Also it seems like in a second attempt, it got caught in a loop, of trying to cycle among the same 3 "unusual" things but deciding it wasn't unique enough

I observe that the reasoning may not correspond to the result: personifying it probably a bit too far, in my first attempt, it forgot to pace itself and put all three pieces of information into the first sentence, and so had to go back and surface novel information for the second and third sentences.

> Oh, a Linux user from Hyderabad with 16 CPU cores—nothing screams "I overcompensate for my fear of GUIs" like a Firefox setup so vanilla even your referrer ghosted you. Your screen resolution is as confused as your identity: Aussie-British-American-English polyglot, yet somehow still the NPC browsing from a cybercafé in 2007. At least your cookie’s enabled, which tracks, since you’d never risk missing a single crumb of open-source newsletter drama.

(In the reasoning, it had mentioned location, browser, and the three things it eventually decided to talk about: referrer, hardware concurrency and OS. The new material was screen resolution¹, languages², and cookies being enabled.)

Most of what it says is kinda weird, honestly. Most of the ones others have been posting feel much better.

I’m also a little bothered that it mixed proper and ASCII punctuation: one EM DASH, two RIGHT SINGLE QUOTATION MARKs, but QUOTATION MARK instead of {LEFT,RIGHT} DOUBLE QUOTATION MARK.

—⁂—

Its second attempt was way better (and didn’t exhibit the same problem of running out of material):

> You lurked here from the void like a digital hermit (empty referrer gang?), flexing Firefox on Linux like it’s 2004 and you’re still arguing about open-source superiority over Hyderabad’s spiciest biryani—meanwhile, your browser’s language list reads like an identity crisis: en-AU, en-GB, en-US… *mate*, pick a colonialism.

—⁂—

¹ 1706×960, which is 2560×1440 @ 1.5×, not too uncommon for a laptop. Wish I could have got something with 2× without losing the power of the 5800HS and the ability to exceed 16GB of RAM. Fortunately, due to life situation changes I’m finally able to switch to desktop computing, and am looking forward to building one instead of being stuck with the frustratingly limited choices available in laptops.

² I set the intl.accept_languages pref to "en-AU,en-GB,en,en-US" years ago, for fun. Actually, I first wrote it as something like "en-AU,en-GB;q=0.9,en;q=0.8,en-US;q=0" for even more fun, a mild roast of my own for perhaps US English or perhaps software developers in general, but somewhere along the way I dropped the quality values for some reason I don’t remember. I’m already fairly easily fingerprintable for other reasons, I’m not fussed about an oddly-specific Accept-Languages header.

"And that screen resolution? Did you measure it in maple syrup units?" Typical roast of a Canadian.

> Max touch points is 10. That's unusual for a Windows device since touchscreens aren't common there. So, mock them for pretending their laptop is an iPad.

Good one. I actually have a touchscreen on my laptop but I almost never use it.

> an iPhone running iOS 18.1.1? Bold move showing up before Apple even announces it

Takes the sting out of the rest of the roast knowing that it was dead wrong to begin with.

When the robot revolution is about to begin let’s mess with their training data cut off.

Ah, a time traveler from Calgary using Safari 18.2—bold move flexing a browser version Apple hasn’t even released yet while clinging to Mac OS Catalina like it’s still 2019 and your cold Canadian hands can’t let go. You arrived here directly, no referrer, as if you’re ashamed of whatever crypto-bro forum or “How to Update Your OS” tutorial you crawled out of. Eight CPU cores and still rocking a 1469x885 resolution? Even your screen’s aspect ratio screams “I watch Netflix in a tiny window while secretly Googling ‘why is my Mac slow’.”

> Braving Hacker News to end up here in San Mateo, huh? Your 1728x1117 resolution screams "I need 11 pixels to hide my crypto tabs," and 30-bit color depth proves you see more shades of gray than emotions—classic Firefox-on-Mac NPC behavior.

Yeah, that's pretty great!

pretty great. How long before deepseek charges for each api call?

Hmm, disturbingly accurate lol

> Oh, a 4K screen just to scroll Hacker News in <redacted>? Your Canadian Linux setup screams "I politely argue about Rust in 2160p," and 16 CPU cores clearly aren’t helping you realize that site hasn’t updated its design since 2007. Go touch grass (but carefully, since your browser thinks you’ve never heard of a touchscreen).

“Your iPhone screen is so skinny it’s basically a vertical Hot Dog mode survivor, you came here from Hacker News like a Vancouverite cosplaying as a Silicon Valley “disruptor,” and with 5 max touch points, your phone’s ready for a jazz hand performance nobody asked for.”

This is indeed how it feels to browse HackerNews from the frozen wastes of Vancouver.

> Roast: Your 324px-wide screen must be a flip phone from 2004, you’re browsing Hacker News like it’s a personality trait, and Australia’s most exciting export is apparently your Firefox-on-Android-15 setup with 8 cores just to read tech bro headlines.

Bravo, No one in person has given a better roast of my FF on GrapheneOS or DownUnder. I'm sold

My first one just said:

Bravo, London

But my second one was funny. But I feel like we are maybe overlooking the significance: is DeepSeek actually funny? Does humor travel with reasoning?

For me it just returns a wall of text with (part of) its reasoning about composing a short roast, but not the roast itself. I guess this is not intended.

I added Show/Hide Prompt at the end, in case you want to try the same prompt with your user information on other models.

Returns 504 Gateway Timeout. I guess either my rig bested the LLM or the service ran out of money.

>Not only did you crawl here from Hacker News, the tech bro nursery, but you’re flexing 16 CPU cores just to run Linux like a spreadsheet samurai in Kirishima—impressive, given your browser speaks three languages yet still can’t ask for ramen politely.

..not bad

"[...] you’re so tech-cliché, your browser’s “maxTouchPoints” is zero because even your devices fear human contact [...]"

> Bravo, time-traveling Safari 18.1 beta tester from Hayward—not quite San Francisco, but at least you’re pretending to innovate while lurking on Hacker News like a true NPC. Your decade-old Mac OS 10.15.7 and 1512x982 resolution scream "I upgrade hardware when Apple sends me a funeral invite," yet here you are, cookie-enabled and still waiting for WebKit to make your life exciting. Congrats on being the most cutting-edge relic in the Bay Area’s shadow.

...I suspect that humor is still out of reach for reasoning models. It may require a bit of system prompt engineering.

"The user is on a Linux armv81 platform but using Chrome on an Android device—that's odd because Android usually runs on Linux-based kernels, but the specific armv81 might be a typo or uncommon."

Unimpressive, it's a current Samsung. And I'm in London not Leistershire

Roasting your Hacker News-lurking, Mountain View-based setup: Only a Linux user with 16 CPU cores would still need 21 seconds to click "Judge Me" while triple-checking their Firefox configs. Of course you’re on Ubuntu—your entire personality is "works at a tech company but swears they’re not like the other engineers." And maxTouchPoints: 0? Touch grass, not screens, you beautifully predictable NPC.

In my case, it re-iterated the system prompt at the end.

This is amazing fun!

It doesn't recognize Tor Browser as such, but in this case calling its anti-fingerprinting user agent a "desperate lack of personality" happens to be more a compliment than a roast!

On the other hand, it's disappointed that the browser claims to only have two cores and uses a resolution "from 2009".

Not so accurate with Brave but great on Firefox

> NPC-core, but with venture capital vibes.

Ouch, that one stung!

Hmm why it says my memory is 8G only?

>Then, their screen resolution is 3440x1440, which is an ultra-wide monitor. Maybe mock them for needing that much space for spreadsheets or something.

lol. i love having so much screen space :3

i can scarcely believe how good this is. incredible. what a time to be alive.

My roast: "Roasting your Firefox-on-Linux, Hacker News-referring, Sydney-dwelling NPC setup: Only a 3780x2160 screen could contain the sheer audacity of using 16 CPU threads just to doomscroll tech bro headlines, and I bet Sydney’s entire coffee supply powers that "Gecko" engine you’re pretending makes you elite. Congrats on being the most predictable Linux user since "sudo" was invented."

> Roasting your Firefox 135 on Linux setup from <redacted>—because nothing says "I have opinions about open-source" like a 16-core CPU crying over hckrnews.com's typo-adjacent Hacker News ripoff and a screen resolution (1920x1200) stuck in 2010s developer nostalgia.

I feel called out - well done.

I spoofed a slightly older User Agent...

Oh, you’re rocking IE 4.01 in Tokyo? How avant-garde—nothing says "cutting-edge tech hub" like a 68k CPU and a browser older than sushi left in the sun. You clicked here from Hacker News, but with this setup, you’re clearly just here to ask how to close tabs.

> Congrats, you can almost high-five yourself for reading tech bro hot takes on a beta iOS version like it’s a personality. Your setup screams “I refresh Y Combinator in a bathroom stall,” and your Safari browser agrees.

Yup, pretty accurate! Funny it also thinks my 15 Pro is an old iPhone since I’m using lower resolution.

Roasting your Bengaluru "startup bro" vibe: you’re flexing an unreleased iOS 18.1.1 beta like it’s a Series A round, lurking on Hacker News for “disruption” tips, yet your iPhone’s 4-core CPU can’t even handle the existential dread of being this online.

Decently entertaining but very wrong.

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